Empathy Nirvana

As human beings we are all sensitive about certain things. This can either turns us into hyphenated snobs or empathizers. If our collective quest as a progressive society is to be empathetic, how does sensitivity assist or hinder? Well, why don’t we find out by delving into our topic for today — Empathy Nirvana!

My uncle likes to keep things nice and neat. His car being no exception. He’d have it washed and polished to squeaky clean perfection every day, giving you the feeling you are inside a brand new car each time. My uncle is a fun person to be around, he carpe diems but at the same time he can make your life a living hell if you don’t match up to his impeccable standards. When he got married, it so happened that his wife spilt coffee inside the car and that was it. He snapped and the poor wife came out crying. 

“I’m never getting into your uncle’s four-wheel hellhole ever again”, she told me.

Like my uncle, I’m also sensitive about cleanliness. I just can’t stand people who keep things messy be it indoors or outdoors. Not trying to peacock as a cleanliness-snob here, but just letting you know I get a migraine by looking at something unkempt and that’s no exaggeration. My poor sister has at times bore the brunt of my cleanliness sensitivity and I’ve often questioned myself, how can I desensitize this sensitive part of me?

Sometime back I was chatting with one of my students from the university I used to work for. I was busy helping her out with the process to move overseas. The conversation digressed to talking about cleanliness, which is when I told her how stressed out I become when I see dirt. 

The student was like, “Sir, why don’t you help me understand this better?”

“You know girl, I once bought corn on the cob from a street vendor in India and after I had done eating, I didn’t know where to trash it. I just can’t throw it on the street and walk away, that ain’t an option for me. So I searched and searched for the elusive trash can but I couldn’t find any. Luckily, I spotted a cow at the end of the street. I walked towards it, gently rubbed its back and placed the cob close to the mouth. The cow snatched the cob from me and ate it instantly. End of dirt. End of story.”

After I shared this corny experience with the student, she turned silent. I thought I lost her and just when I was about to end the call, I heard her respond, “Sir, I’m exactly like you. I think we should get married.”

My mind was stuck in a stupor of bewilderment. I froze.

Why haven’t I culled this sensitive part of me yet, knowing it stresses me out so much and the people I’m associated with, like my sister? That’s because there’s an empathy element to it. Say you’re having lunch at the office kitchen, what are the two things you’ll watch out for? One is obviously, the table you’re going to use and next is the kitchen sink you’ll be using later on to rinse your lunch box, assuming you bring food from home. After you’re done, both the table and kitchen sink has to look exactly the way it was before you used it. Why am I being nitpicky about this? Where’s the empathy element? Well, just as you got to use the office kitchen in its best condition, shouldn’t you be making sure the next human being walking in gets it too? Leaving our leftovers on the table and kitchen sink, and not cleaning it properly, makes the office kitchen look deplorable. Unsurprisingly, my sensitivity helps reverse that deplorable situation. It will make sure the place is good enough for someone to step in and enjoy. The next time you go to a park, beach or wherever, think about the person coming after you. If we got a clean place by virtue of being an early bird, shouldn’t we make sure we leave it in pristine condition for the late birds too? Wouldn’t it be cool to have clean streets, roads, boulevards and so on for everyone to enjoy? Isn’t it our responsibility to make sure the next generation gets a decent habitat so to speak? 

In countries like India where law enforcement is less stringent when it comes to maintaining a clean environment, does it mean as citizens or expats we have a free pass to use the country as one giant trash can? I don’t have the facts with me, but just think from a logical perspective how much a country stands to lose in terms of tourism revenue if the country looks dirty. Would people want to visit a place that’s dirty or a place that’s clean? Less tourists will translate to less revenue, impacting the GDP of the nation. Therefore, this cleanliness sensitivity of mine deserves to live, even if it feels like a lot of work, stress and torture for me and for those in my vicinity. 

In the 80’s a non-profit organization called MADD was established in the United States. MADD stands for “Mothers Against Drunk Driving”. Their mission includes but not limited to preventing impaired driving, offering victim support and conducting awareness campaigns. One of the notable members of MADD is the Hollywood actress and humanitarian, Sharon Stone. “No car should start without a built-in breath analyzer that says you are sober enough to start the car,” writes Ms. Stone in her biography. Why would she do that? Why is she sensitive about DUI?

When Sharon was 17 years old, she had gone for prom with a guy named Ray Butterfield. A few months after the prom, she gets a call from Ray’s mother informing about her son’s untimely death. Ray was apparently struck by a drunk driver when he was riding home on a motorcycle and choked to death on his own blood. Horrified by the loss of her prom date at such a young age, Ms. Stone joins MADD to support the fight against impaired driving. As you can see, her sensitivity towards DUI carries an empathy element and its good such sensitivities exist because this will ensure our families get home safe.   

What about other sensitivities like religious sensitivity? Does it deserve to live or die? This one’s a bit tricky because religious sensitivity makes us either love or hate the people we haven’t met. I don’t see an issue with someone being sensitive about their religion as long as they can love one another and live in harmony. On the contrary, if it spews animosity there’s definitely a problem. It’s from such ill-directed sensitivity, fundamentalism is born. If I ask you what makes you sensitive about religion, what would your reason be?

• Is it because you think there’s only one God and it happens to be the God you worship? 
• Is it because you expect others to also acknowledge your one true God?
• Is it because you love your God so much that you think everything else is just a mere idol?
• Is it because you can’t handle someone mocking or cracking jokes about your God?
• Is it because you see people being persecuted for worshipping your God and you just can’t take it?
• Is it because you feel insecure about your religion when people convert to other religions?
• Is it because you interpret your religion in a certain way and find other interpretations incorrect?

This ain’t an exhaustive list but a starting point to identify our triggers. If religion makes us go nuts, then it’s a sign we are sensitive about it. In trying to find an answer to the questions I just raised, we’ll find our way towards desensitizing this sensitive side of us. I don’t believe in a world which empathizes only for people from a certain religion, race or ethnicity. Empathy has a much broader definition and if our sensitivity prevents us from achieving empathy nirvana, we need to cull it. 

Alright, the million dollar question — What are you sensitive about?