The Marks Of A Gentleman

A hypothetical question was recently asked at female employees of a prominent news channel. The question goes like this – Would you rather be stuck in the woods with a man or a bear? To everyone’s surprise, the women responded they’d choose the bear any day. If in the future, the poll were to be conducted again, what should a man do to be chosen over the bear? Well, let’s find out by delving into our topic for today — The marks of a gentleman!

There was this time when I was in college with a professor friend of mine. She started the conversation by pointing the finger at her male colleagues standing near the elevator, and then she asked me this question, “What makes this man a gentleman?” 

I was like, “Which man?”

“The one wearing the yellow shirt” the lady professor replied.

“Hmmm…What makes him a gentleman? Lemme guess. Maybe because he’s handsome and you have a crush on him”, I teased her like I usually do.

And she was like, “No, no, that’s not what I had in mind. Now look closely, unlike the other men who are rushing into the elevator, look at him standing two steps behind all the lady staff, offering them enough space to get into the elevator, plus he’s the last person to get in. You know what? He does this every time. His patience and the calm manner in which he conducts himself makes him a true gentleman”, the lady professor had spelled out the reason. 

For me though, it felt like I just received a 101 on what it takes to be a gentleman. Patience and calm demeanour in public spaces like elevators, escalators, planes, trains, buses, street cars cannot be understated, and giving way to women, kids and the elderly rather than rushing in will certainly elevate you from the ubiquitous pack of desperate men. 

Let me talk about another incident that happened at the shared laundrette in the building where I reside. I had earlier put my clothes in the dryer and it was ready to be taken out. When I got there, I was startled to see my washed/dried clothes scattered on the not-so-clean laundry island. Apparently, the woman standing next to me confessed that she did it. Without batting an eye, I asked her why she did what she did when there were other vacant dryers for her to stuff all her clothes in. And her response was — “It felt more convenient.”

This left me fuming and what followed was a heated argument for the next ten minutes. In a short while, the woman’s boyfriend had arrived at the scene. Oh man, I thought this is gonna get ugly. The boyfriend and I had exchanged a few words and surprisingly, the issue ended abruptly. The thing to note here is that the tone with which I spoke to the woman and the man were literally the same, but with varying results. From similar experiences I have had in the past, I can safely say what can be a very normal argument with a man could come off as aggressive with a woman. Part of why that’s happening is women get scared at the slightest rise in a man’s pitch and tone, and combine that with our masculine stature, we could look just as menacing as a real bear if not less. Therefore, toning things down especially when you’re dealing with the opposite sex will prevent mole hills from turning into mountains and of course, getting you closer to becoming a gentleman. 

Thirdly, a gentleman never uses force on a woman. I have a younger sister and I think in my late teens, we had a nasty fight and I happen to slap her. And I did that so hard that her cheeks got red and a full impression of my five fingers were visible on her face. I still remember my sister’s instant response to it. This is what she said — “If we girls had the same might as you guys, this would reverse.” That statement hit me like a ton of bricks and got me really thinking about the usage of force. Nature has blessed men with disproportionate physical power but are women the place to show it? Absolutely not. Violence against women at any given moment is just not acceptable and no rationale is big enough to justify it. I later apologized to my sister and made it up to her by buying her favourite chocolate. She was kind enough to forgive me and move on. Since then, I have never used force on any woman and I don’t think I ever will.

Fourthly, women do not like to be touched without their consent period. Irrespective of the continent, country, province, state, city, county, town or village you travel to, this holds true. It’s universal and not subject to change. So let’s just accept this for a fact and learn to respect it, because that’s what gentlemen do. 

I started the talk with the bear and let me end the talk with it. As we all know, bear is not the typical fur baby one can cuddle with. It looks massive, wild and menacing, and if it ain’t our lucky day, we run the risk of being fatally attacked. If a predator like the bear is still considered to be relatively safer to be around than us, men, you can imagine the kinda distance we have to travel in terms of winning back women’s trust and confidence in us. Let bygones be bygones. Now what would let a woman walk freely in the woods or shared spaces, wearing whatever garbs she wishes to wear, at whatever time she pleases to do so? The answer lies in our unwavering transition from man to gentleman.